After 17 years together, all my three cats died within a couple of months.
On the morning of Kali's death, I felt sick, and I wondered what would happen. But luckily I have been able to eat normally and haven't vomited. However, sleeping has been difficult. My stomach pains have been bothering me for a long time, and now they have gotten worse too. I associate them with stress, or worse. They are not endometriosis pain. This week, my back has also hurt so much that bending over is difficult.
"Can you get used to such an easy life?" It's hard to remember that no one needs food anymore at cat feeding times. No need to feed the cats, wash their food bowls, change their water, clean and wash their toilets. Not to mention the end-stage meds, cleaning asses and cleaning the floors of diarrhea.
The cleaning started immediately after Kali died. I've put the cats' things either in the trash or in storage, depending on the condition. For example, there are plenty of food and drink cups, even unused ones. The toilets that were in poor condition and with stubborn stains all went into the trash, I didn't buy any more new ones, but decided that we'll go with these until the end. All opened dry food (there must have been at least 8 different ones!!) and treats and nutritional supplements in the trash. Prescription drugs to the pharmacy. But I don't know what to do with the scratching posts and the water fountain?
There is an awful lot of cat food left. (Zooplus' last order arrived the day after Kali's death. Adding insult to injury?) 3x 14 kilo bags of cat litter, I avoided opening a new bag. There are lots of unopened phosphorus binders, and a couple of big tubes of diarrhea medicine (and a big jar of kaolin powder). There is also an unopened bottle of Kaminox. We got so much everything that was left unused. But at least I can use up Kali's laxatives myself.
What I would give now for Olivia to sit in front of the computer screen and disturb me. That she would come to bed in the morning, demanding breakfast.
That Tabitha would be interfering with the changing of the sheets. And demanding that I eat my dinner faster so that she could have the leftovers.
I have constantly seen delusions that Kali is still on the top level of the scratching post. From my seat at the computer, I can see right to the top level through the reflection of a painting.
No one wants to sit on my computer chair anymore, I win the chair game every time. Kali no longer sits on the corner of my computer desk waiting for a treat.
There is no one spreading cat hair around anymore, nor spreading cat litter. I guess I could say that I don't miss the smell of piss and shit, and they were mainly caused by Olivia.
It is completely unnatural that you can carelessly leave the walk-in closet door open when there is not a single cat trying to get in.
No, I'm not going to get a new cat. The main reason for that is financial. In my current financial situation, I can't even afford myself, let alone another living being. And this money situation will probably never improve, rather the opposite.
I was really quite an idiot when I got three cats when I was "young". Didn't worry about tomorrow? I would not have survived these last times without the financial support of my spouse. For example, Tabitha's one hospital day cost 1400, Olivia's death cost 1000 euros. Compared to that, Kali's death was "cheap", 600.
Pictured are my favorite things in the world: my cats, playing Friday and vodka. Pathetic? Maybe someone thinks so.
Playing Spiritfarer (affiliate link) again is not as simple as I thought. We don't own that game. It used to be on Playstation plus, but it's not anymore. So I should buy it. And I should be patient to wait for it to be on sale.
No comments:
Post a Comment