Two years without Olivia.
Olivia suffered from chronic diarrhea for years. Yet it never occurred to me that she might have a tumor in her intestines. Instead, when Olivia's mother Kali stopped eating due to constipation, a tumor was immediately feared. A tumor was not suspected even when in Olivia's last week of life her diarrhea turned into severe constipation, or rather, an intestinal obstruction.
I am particularly bitter about when Olivia went to the vet again for his diarrhea a few months before his death. They only told us to give her psyllium, and no abdominal ultrasound was suggested. As I have said here, at least in some parts of the world, an abdominal ultrasound is automatically included in the health check-ups of old cats. Today, I understand it very well because with each of my three cats, an abdominal ultrasound would have revealed things.
When Olivia moved to live on the kitchen rug during her last summer, I just thought she was suffering from the heat and being lazy, even when she didn't want to move out of the way of the vacuum cleaner. I didn't realize it was due to weakness.
When I noticed that Olivia had lost weight. I asked here too if a cat can die from being picky with food. There was nothing wrong with Olivia's appetite even on her last morning, she just didn't like the grain-free food that was given to her because of chronic diarrhea, and she ate less and less of it. I got her a lot of treats to try in her last week. The pile remained unused on the kitchen table.
When Olivia had bad constipation in her last week. I just thought that Olivia's diarrhea had finally turned into constipation caused by renal insuffiency, which she "should" have had for a long time.
When I came home on Friday and Olivia had food on her face. I thought and said out loud that if a cat doesn't clean its face after eating, it can't live long. But still, I didn't think at all that Olivia would die or that there was anything wrong with it. No, that evening I only focused on Tabitha, who had been in the animal hospital that week for treatment due to not eating. Until at night I noticed that Olivia's legs were no longer supporting her.
Only in her last days did Olivia get her favorite food, Latz, instead of grain-free food. On the morning of her death, I gave her half of the Latz (only half so she wouldn't binge and vomit), and I promised she'd get the other half when she got home from the vet. So I lied to her face.
As a result of all these regrets, I don't think Olivia would have lived any longer. No, quite the opposite. If it had been known, Olivia would have been put to sleep earlier.
Some time ago I had a dream where we were walking in the winter forest with Olivia. Sometimes it was hard to see white Olivia in the snow. At the end of the dream, Olivia turned into a little bird and flew to my hand.
And then I placed the Olivia ring I ordered from Temu against the base of the computer monitor so that Olivia can stare at me judgmentally whenever I am on the computer. Because when she was alive, she would often come and sit in front of the screen and demand attention by meowing. And then I had a dream where she did just that... Fortunately, I still haven't forgotten Olivia's peculiar meow.
Perhaps the worst thing is that my guinea pig died of intestinal obstruction/intestinal cancer in 1998. She also had diarrhea for the last six months of his life, and then constipation/intestinal obstruction at the end. So I didn't learn anything from that.
Ps. On Saturday I was completely scared when I thought the can of buttermilk on the sink was Kali (Olivia's mother) sitting there...
